Seriously. Today the kids and I were coming home from a walk to get some lunch when we heard sirens go by-- I didn't think much of it. When I got inside, Dan called and said some friends/neighbors had just been robbed while they were out for a walk, so to be careful, and to lock up if I left the house. While I was on the phone, an email came in from another friend/neighbor who confirmed the robbery and said to stay alert. I took note and --what else was I supposed to do-- went about making lunch while the kids continued playing with rocks (collected on our walk) out front. Not a minute later, Tucker (who we've had for about 3 months and who NEVER barks) starts barking up a storm outside. Of course my heart is pounding and I start fumbling with the locks, trying to get mentally ahead and keep cool. Should I bring the kids in? Lock all the doors? Get Dan's gun? (ha.) Tell the kids? (no.)
I ended up calling everyone for lunch and locking up, and Tucker calmed down. (He was barking towards the woods, I'm guessing at a deer.) Nothing happened.
As my heart slowed down (and my legs literally started shaking--ha) I started thinking about what a wimp I am. I could NEVER hack it in the military or as a cop, or in any position where the danger is not imaginary but very real. Look how worked up I got over absolutely nothing! Imagine if I were to be literally facing the real possibility of actually dying?? I would likely pass out. Or chicken out. Or something.
I remember when I would play Capture the Flag in the dark with my friends, and how my heart would be racing and I would be jumpy, jittery and edgy as I would creep through the dark along a boundary. I'd be trying to pep-talk myself into relative calm- reminding myself that this was a GAME, these are my FRIENDS and when this is all over, you will be laughing at your ridiculous nerves. But how do people do it when the jumpy, jittery nerves are actually justified? When the perceived sense of danger isn't in your head at all... when it may very well result in harm to you or your friends? *shudder*
I am so very grateful for those men and women who go to work and put themselves in danger so I can be safe. I KNOW I couldn't do what they do. I am FAR too much of a wimp.
Our dossier was sent to Addis Ababa (Ethiopia) today! We are hopeful for a referral (pic/bio) of our little girl by the spring. Now to be patient and wait...